The Hawk's Plan for New Orleans

The newspapers and media have been dominated by Hurricane Katrina and all the horrible things that happened. From "Iron" Mike Brown's so-called FEMA leadership to Mayor Ray Nagin conveniently blaming everyone, save for himself, for all the issues that transpired.

As much fun as it would be to take potshots, I've decided to focus my time, energy and fleeting sleep schedule on what should happen next to New Orleans. I've listed five ideas (along with new city names) that I'm sure the feds will take into consideration (they read this blog you know). All plans for rebuilding the city call for - wait for it - building the city "above" sea level. What a novel idea. Even an Iowa State engineer can figure that one out.

Drumroll please...

1. Vene-Orleans - My favorite plan is to turn New Orleans into a sort of Venice American Style (not to be confused with the poor 70's TV show Love American Style). This idea is kind of cool and the good news is the New Orleans already has a lingering bad smell (similar to Venice). Instead of gondolas the city could use flat bottom airboats.

2. Las New Orleans - That's right, turn the place into Vegas south. They were already there anyway. New Orleans has a casino and the necessary corrupt government and mob ties. All they were missing was the right marketing campaign. How about "What Gets Projectile Vomited in New Orleans, Stays on Streets of New Orleans." OK, maybe something a tad more subtle but work with me here.

3. Dome Orleans - They are probably going to want to pick a different name but why not just dome the whole damn place? It can even be retractable for all three of the days of the year where it is not stifling hot and humid. Think of the construction contract! I still haven't figured out how to land planes in a dome but I'm working on it.

4. AtlantisOrleans - OK, I lied. Not EVERY plan for the city included building it above sea level, but work with me here. Why fight nature. It's underwater, let's work with it. Now's our chance to prove to the world man CAN build a city underwater. We already have a head start as 60% of the buildings are sumbmerged anyway. I'm sure Trump would be interested in getting a casino built. We could call it TrumpTank.

5. Baja Orleans - Let's face it, all we really need from New Olreans is the port, other than that we could probably do without the city. The folks who have been displaced will no doubt find better lives in better cities. Jazz music can move to Memphis and the only other reason to keep New Orleans (the Sugar Bowl) could be moved to Houston. We could give Mexico the city and they could run it and employ all those illegal immigrants in the bars, casinos and strip joints that litter the city. Plus Mexico could get that warm fuzzy feeling that comes with regaining land you lost after getting slapped around a century ago. They get the city, we get paid in oil. What a deal.

Hawk's View: OK, more than likely I'm ahead of my time on my ideas but all kidding aside, New Orleans should be rebuilt (above ground) because that's what America does, it marches on. Look for a new, regentrified, city to be on the drawing board and look for America to embrace it and come back. Because there is nothing more that we love than a comeback story. Go New Orleans.