It was my intention to write a year in review type article but I tabled that idea. There is only one year in review you all should read and that is the one written by Dave Barry. Check out the link at the bottom of the page and do read it. Very funny and very well done as always.
I decided instead to pass out awards for the top performers in 2005. Some are funny, some are sad and some might seem weird but here goes. Drumroll please...
The Civic Duty Award - Goes to the jury on the Michael Jackson trial. Apparently these 12 rubes were not present on this planet during the months the Jackson trial took place. If they were they would have known that "Jacko" was guilty. Alas, they followed the leadership of such other fine California juries (OJ Simpson, the Menendez Brothers, etc) and let him Moonwalk all the way to Bharain (his new home).
Medal of Valor Award - Tie between New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco and FEMA Director Mike Brown. These three sad individuals botched, rebotched and then botched again the entire mess that ensued before, during and after Hurricane Katrina. All are equally culpable yet each conveniently blames the other while stating they were the "only ones showing leadership." All three should be forced to sweep the streets of New Orleans during Mardi Gras and Southern Decadence.
Corporate Leadership Award - Goes to none other than the Dolan family. This first family of New York media had an out and out feud between father and son over a failed satellite service called VOOM. The old man and son rattled sabers at each other before finally agreeing (begrudginly) to close VOOM and sell the assets. All the while the company's stock took a massive tumble.
The Please Make It Stop Award - Goes to Fox News correspondents Greta Van Susteren and Geraldo Rivera. Geraldo for the Terri Schiavo case and Greta for the Natalee Holloway case. This fine news channel has been co-opted by these two schmos and they need to be outsourced somewhere where no one we'll watch them. Like MSNBC.
The Big Whiner Award - Goes to all the Manchester United fans who claimed Man U would be "ruined" by the purchase of the club by American Malcom Glazer. These weenies claimed the famed club would lose their fan base and there would be repercussion of epic proportions. The result: Man U still sells out and while they are running 5th in the Premiership, they are making money and playing in front of all those rabid fans who vowed never to show up again.
The Boy Did We Get Fleeced Award - Goes to all the Hollywood studios for the pointless trash they greenlighted and that no one went to see. With few exceptions, everything Tinseltown put out landed at the box office with a loud thud. Guys, the key to making good movies is actually "writing a script that's interesting." I know that flies in the face of the new way to do movies which is to blow up lots of stuff and have minimal dialogue but give it a try. You may be surprised.
The Please Pay Attention to Me Award - Goes to North Korean dictator and cartoon looking freak, Kim Jong-Il. Kim, desperately trying to get the attention of anyone, continues to to play nuclear poker with the world. His motive appears to be his need for people to take his phone calls because his "country" doesn't appear to be gaining any additional support nor are they striking any more fear into the world. Perhaps in 2006 Kim will attempt to strike a deal that actually gets food to all those people living around him.
The I Cannot Tell a Lie Award - Goest to baseball "legend", Viagra pitchmen and all around smarmy character Rafael Palmeiro. Shortly after appearing before Congress and emphatically denying taking steriods, Raffy fails a drug test for, wait for it, steroids. Strong work.
The Lion in Winter Award - Goes to General Motors. The titan of the auto industry found 2005 to be a hard year. From poor sales, dealers in revolt, rising health care costs and 217 year old Kirk Kerkorian, GM faces a hard reality and the outcome could be very ugly. The stock is in the tank and their bonds are trading at junk status. Everything from selling off parts of GMAC to filing for bankruptcy is on the table for 2006. Hopefully the venerable car company will find traction very soon.
That's it for 2005. The Hawk has enjoyed his blogging so far and looks forward to more fun and nonsense in 2006. Hope you'll stop by from time to time.
Hawk...
The Year in Review
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/entertainment/13511044.htm
2 comments:
It's unfortunate GM is going through so many troubles and I hope they can overcome there problems and once again provide great health coverage.
I agree. The hard part is I don't know if the economics can work again. The real shame is rank and file union people gave up salary for better benefits in previous negotations and now those benefits will be taken away.
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